More "Scotland in a bag" images. Make sure your Munchy Box is accompanied by Club fags.

For me, Club fags sum up a certain aspect of Scottishness (I've never seen anyone south of the border smoking them). Despite being tarry and gritty like factory smoke and no cheaper than decent cigarettes, they're popular.

Scottish people go through their lives determined to suffer the least pleasant, least comfortable, least safe option at all times. People who, in this day and age of beer proliferation, opt for Tennant's eggy chemical-tasting lager voluntarily. Who buy floor-cleaner vodka when nicer stuff is available. Who decided that getting high by swallowing prescription tranquilisers wasn't hard enough, so had to devise ways to liquidise and inject them instead. Who go on 3-day drink benders the way other people go on spa breaks.

The Scots are people who prefer to squeeze tea bags with their bare fingers, who open bottles against tables when there's a bottle opener in the room, who light gas cookers with fag lighters.

Of course, I'm just talking consumption here, but being world leaders in drinking, smoking and bad eating is only part of a wider phenomenon. It affects all areas of life, from following the harshest, most joyless form of Christianity available, to the aversion to hard hats on Scottish building sites.

Scotland: No Concession To Your Comfort.