I know everyone loves zombies (and zombielove is less tedious than that whole pirate thing), so let's talk about Charlie Brooker's last Guardian column.
Brooker uses most of his wordcount to reply to Hollywood-bound, now disappointingly mainstream, future rom-com regular and self-proclaimed expert on all things undead, Simon "not related to Dave" Pegg, who argues for a return to "traditional zombie values", like some kind of Anne Widdicombe of the undead (I'm presuming Doris Karloff herself isn't dead).
For example, the Peggster had moaned that, breaking with tradition, Brooker's zombies ran, rather than shuffled. Brooker responded: "They HAD to run or the story wouldn't work. The outbreak had to knock the entire country out of action before the producers had time to evacuate the studios."
As top Manc blogger Blood & Treasure puts it: "that would have ruined an otherwise eminently credible plotline about Britain being taken over by the Cannibal Dead."
Brooker also excuses the rapid locomotion of his undead thusly: "Running zombies are, to be frank, cheaper than stumbling ones. You only need one or two to present a massive threat. I love a huge mass of shambling undead as much as the next guy, but we couldn't afford that many crowd scenes"
To which B&T sez: "Oh, come on. Media London’s full of rich kids poncing about as runners and interns and gofers on daddy’s allowance. And they’re all media tarts. Just get them all in one place and tell them to behave as they usually do. Badabing! Also, old folks. They come cheap and shuffle as a matter of course." Tides of jam made out of old women? Anyone who thinks old people can't move fast have never seen an overdue Southport bus pull up outside Bootle Strand shopping centre.
Anyway, to sum up - some people get arsey about the features and capabilities of entirely fictional things. Pegg is to appear in the next Star Trek film - I wonder if he'll be moaning on-set that Spock's ears aren't quite pointy enough?
Dammit - the iPlayer's just cut out, right in the middle of a vintage Gentle Giant Peel session. As card-carrying fascist (formerly National Front, now English Democrats) and general turd with eyes Gary Bushell might say, "wake up BBC!" (link not actually to Bushell).