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RIP George Carlin.
I only became aware of Carlin relatively recently, but clicked with his 'angry, confused hippy' persona. Although he's best known for his "seven dirty words" routine (Youtube), he said a lot of funny and often profound things. Here are a selection (usual disclaimer - all of these *have been attributed* to Carlin).
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." "Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy." "Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning." "If you nail two things together that have never been nailed together before, some schmuck will buy it from you." "The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains." "Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place? There’s such balance in nature." "I finally accepted Jesus. Not as my personal saviour, but as a man I intend to borrow money from." "As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything." "Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck." How come when it’s us it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken it’s an omelette?” "I'm completely in favour of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death." "I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect." "If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little." "If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?" "The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."
"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?" "I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free." "White people ought to understand their job is to give people the blues, not to get them." "Average comedians say funny things. Great comedians say things funny." "I'm getting old. And it's okay. Because thanks to our fear of death in this country I won't have to die. I'll pass away. Or I'll expire, like a magazine subscription. If it happens in the hospital, they'll call it a terminal episode. The insurance company will refer to it as negative patient care outcome. And if it's the result of malpractice, they'll say it was a therapeutic misadventure. I'm telling you, some of this language makes me want to vomit. Well, maybe not vomit ...makes me want to engage in an involuntary personal protein spill." "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
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For me, Club fags sum up a certain aspect of Scottishness (I've never seen anyone south of the border smoking them). Despite being tarry and gritty like factory smoke and no cheaper than decent cigarettes, they're popular.